ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
