My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
