I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
