He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
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I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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