Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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