You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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