i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
