found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
