He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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