You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
