bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
