why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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