Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.