....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?