His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.