OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
