I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
