it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
