well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
