i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
