He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
