Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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