Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if i died would you start the facebook group?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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