He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
