We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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