There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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