so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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