I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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