i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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