Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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