Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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