I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
