Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
