For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
