Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
