I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
