Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
