so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
