I just saw a hot homeless man
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
