Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
