Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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