guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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