JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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