i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
