I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
