I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
