pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
