I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
