Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
