Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
