I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize