2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
