i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
