i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
