is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
home. puking in laundry basket.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He? As in you personified your dick?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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