these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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