Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
