Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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