I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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