After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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