I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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