this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
