I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
