did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
