I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is wine microwaveable?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
