Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
