Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
