Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
