I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
