So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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