You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
