I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
