I just pynch a tree in the face
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
