so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Houston, we have a squirter
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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