Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
